Fun with hell fires and psycho drama

I haven’t been seen around Facebook parts.. or the usual social circles.. for months, since my dad dies, which is out of character for me and then out of no where i post this:

I’d like to dedicate this song to a very special little lady who shouldn’t play with matches

I figure that might raise a few questions and eyebrows so I thought I’d make a little post on the subject.. for the inquiring minds…

I’ve been having these sorta on going confrontations with someone who’s been trying to use coercive means to get me to do what she wants.. and is given to threatening black mail… and blah blah blah….

There’s something about my past that… causes her approach to dealing with me… to kinda bring out the worst in me… It’s sorta like her demons are getting together with my demons and trying to damage the both of us…

To my mind.. some of how she’s been behaving… is kinda breath taking in.. where I try and help her out and she tries and take advantage of kindness.. and how far she goes.. and blah blah blah.

But I also think its worth taking sometime and looking a little more deeply

As I sorta subject to her to analysis… It seems to me that there’s got to have been some really horrifying shit that went down in her childhood… because really whats happening between her and I is the playing out of past traumas… that her shadow and my shadow are kinda getting together….

Err a little bit of an explanation of this shadow projection business:

What happens is.. when we have stuff within our selves that we don’t deal with eternally… it projects it’s self into the outside world.. and makes things unfold in a way that correspond to its pattern..  and forces us to deal with it in this inward realty in material world… which.. if we are up to, is actually a good thing… if not.. you find your self living in eastern philosophy / religion’s notion of… being stuck in karma.. cycles.. of death and rebirth.. eternally stuck in this trap.

The good news is that for the pasts.. I guess 5 or so years… the sorta main thing I’ve been doing is wrestling with my own kinda psycho spiritual reality… so I’m sorta becoming more and more freed from this trap.. and the present manifestation is… manageable as a learning opportunity? And it feels like the forces of light should overcome the forces of darkness.

And then on the other hand

It strikes me that… I need to guard against being too easy on my opponent. I am sorta comforted by the presence of my own demons. There is this sense that I need to integrate them into my personality more.. not be such “a nice guy”…. in places… and seeing that this is a process that will no doubt take a long time… or….

It’s hard to see with claridity into the darker sides of your own soul…

I live a part from society in certain key kind of ways.. To my mind it’s as if our culture has it’s mental illnesses.. which are forced upon you as you join the world.. and I have mine.. and I suppose it’s this heroic thing I need to do.. is to do battle with the cultural demons.. but I can sorta only do so through a fight within my own and………

In a way.. this is the story of us all.. for to be civilized we all have to give up the animal within.. to live in society.. so my.. nice guy hood problem? It’s not REALLY a personal thing… on a certain level…. and in someways it strikes me that psychotherapy is all about rearrange the deck chairs on the Titanic

America

I must say that I really love this particular reading of it.

I hope, at this point, you might be able to intuit my deeper meanings in this post…. something about what it means to be an artist.. something about… knowing we are dancing a fools dance in this ficiton of life… and saying yes to it.. yes to it without all its stupidity… and recognizing it and….

Yeah.. I should just post already